Colors.

Wow, that was such a quick trip. My apologies to all those we didn't see this time around (everyone). Lauren was running the show and she definitely had us running! 

I did get to see the Carl Bloch exhibit (thanks for the tip, Allysha), which was lovely. Actually, I had a TON of time to myself since Lauren had no lack of nice friends to show her around and, let's be honest, moms kind of get in the way of those kinds of things.  At least that's what I'm led to believe. 

And I also believe that Lauren is infinitely closer to making a decision. I think we both kind of felt the vibes at one particular place. She's still weighing options but it was definitely a well-taken trip because it changed a lot of her perceptions and feelings about the schools--not a blinking arrow but close enough.

At the end, she caught up with some of her friends from last summer's Tonga trip. As luck had it, it was the weekend of Holi, a Hindu festival of colors celebrating spring. What a blast she had! She also got to catch up with her cute friend Jared before he left on his mission for Mississippi.

. . .

Okay, speaking of colors, as I mentioned a little earlier today, I am in the throes of trying to select a paint color for our master bedroom and bathroom.  Here's my plea for a little audience participation today:

What's your favorite paint color that's a neutral but still a color?

Pretty please?

The Blessing of a B Minus

If you have children between 11 and 20 (or if you plan on your kids reaching those ages, for that matter), go get this book right now. Mogel's take on parenting teens is compassionate, wise, and inspired. Much like her earlier book The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, which was geared toward parents of younger children, Mogel draws from her understanding of Jewish teachings to reframe some of the challenges teens face (and the associated frustrations of parenting them) into blessings. 

In The Blessing of a B Minus, Mogel reminds us of, among others:

~The blessing of strange fruit: Accepting the unique glory of your teen

~The blessing of a B minus: The real lessons of homework, chores, and jobs

~The blessing of problems to solve: Learning from bad judgment and stress

~The blessing of breaking the rules: Real life as ethics lab

 Am I Jewish? No. And you don't have to be either to thoroughly enjoy this book. The ideas that Mogel discusses are universal and accessible for all.  For example, she uses the story of the Israelites' wandering in the desert with Moses. She notes that the presence of God was a "'pillar of cloud by day...and a pillar of fire by night.' This beautiful image is a model for parents whose children are wandering in the wilderness of adolescence. Like God, you stand by, providing shade and light when needed, but mostly you stand back. You wait to see if your child can solve problems on his own before stepping in; you let him experience the natural consequences of his poor decisions; and you give him the freedom to make mistakes, even big ones."

As the parent of three children (12, 14, 17) it's a great relief to read such a wonderful book that eases some of the anxieties we parents face during this stage of parenting. As a doctoral student studying parenting and child development, I'm just a little jealous I didn't write this! 

[edited to say: I should add that I don't completely mesh with one of the chapters, The Blessing of the Hangover, and some of you might not either. There are still great insights in that one; I just try to keep my teens further away from those mistakes than perhaps some parents do. Having said that, I still think teaching and then stepping away and allowing teens to make decisions (and mistakes) is what these years are all about.]

. . .

~ My friend Bridget agreed to be interviewed and has some great things to say about being a new student-mom returning to grad school. Catch it here.

~ Also, a request.  I have been working hard at launching a new idea, one that's actually been simmering for over a year now.  I'm not quite ready to go public but if you'd be willing to act as a virtual focus group and give feedback, I would be so grateful. Just say so in the comments or send me an email (basic.annie@gmail.com) and I'll let you know what you can do.  Then I'll find a way to show you my undying gratitude.

Traveling light(er)

I'm excited to be heading to Washington, DC today for my Zero to Three scientific and fellowship meetings. And--lucky me!--Miss Maddy is there on her 8th grade trip this week, too. It will be fun to keep my eye out for her while we're both there--my own little Where's Waldo game. If only Maddy were wearing a red-and-white striped shirt and hat. I guess I'll just have to look for a blob of 14-year-olds with wicked cool accents.

Last week I hauled my grand-scale suitcase all around Utah. (And paid to check it on the plane. Urgh...I strongly dislike that. Yet another reason for train travel). In my defense...I have no defense.  I overpacked and filled it with books and extras on the way home. Anyhow, this trip I'm all about carry-on luggage, no fees, and streamlined packing choices.

Inspired by this Mighty Girl post (so impressive!) I took a little trip to the Container Store for see-through pouches and itty bitty plastic bottles for my liquids. (I'm so impressionable, remember?) 

So now, a little obsessed, I'm trolling for travel tips. When you pack a suitcase, do you have a thing you do? Do you fold or roll the clothes? Check or carry on? Enlighten me.

Bests roundup

Best packaging: Mast Brothers Chocolate, a birthday gift from Nancy.  They are wrapped in thick sheets of florentine papers with clean simple labels. Love.  Oh, and the chocolate was delicious: I had the fleur de sel and salt and pepper dark chocolate. Wow.

 

Tea of the year: I'm not a tea drinker much, although I do drink herbal tea a few times a month, especially when I need a warm comforting pause in the middle of the day. There's something about sitting there with my hands warmed around the mug, staring off into the middle distance, thinking wandering thoughts.  I'm a big fan of elevenses, with or without a cuppa.  Most often I have the very normal and probably boring honey chamomile. Or lemon zinger, when I'm feeling zingy.

Word or phrase: most often heard around here: amazing.  My daughters use it several times a day. I love it that they are amazed so frequently; it seems a close cousin to wonder and enthusiasm.

Shop: Um, a quick glance at my bank statement would tell you that Amazon is my best friend these days. It has allowed me to be (relatively) ready for Christmas gifting and I even do drug-store shopping there. Runner up: Etsy.  I love supporting independent artists and crafters & buy many gifts and house things there, too.

Car ride: August 2009, from our home to the Adirondacks and back, with G. and the kids.  We've entered a stage of relatively good humor and patient travelers (a far cry from the days of car-seat tirades and she's-touching-me tantrums...it only took us a decade to get here).  This trip was especially lovely, with the journey setting the tone for the entire week.  Runner up: the drive from NYC to Boston with my mom in September.

New person:  Who is your unsung hero of 2009?  Natalie saved the day this year for me at girl's camp by jumping in at the last minute when the camp director was put on pregnancy bed rest (who would have also been fabulous, by the way).  Natalie handled it with grace and enthusiasm and the girls all loved her.  Who was a new acquaintance you were excited to meet? Runners up: It was great meeting Whitney last week and having lunch--I've admired her from afar for a while.  Ditto Leslie, who I finally met at a fundraiser in November.  One of my students handled a painful year with great courage.  And (for purely selfish and vain reasons) my new (& first ever) eyebrow lady Lauren.  I am in good hands.

What about you? A new person in your life this year that has made a difference? A memorable car ride? Do share...

Last picture show

In a recent Boston Globe, Meredith Goldstein described how, when she heard that her grandmother had less than three months to live, she started orchestrating Grandma Lorraine's Netflix queue--demoting some movies, adding others--so that her grandmother's final movie(s) would be meaningful and suited to her tastes.  She says "When I got the phone call about my grandmother's fatal condition, I felt powerless.  Her last movie was about the only thing I could control. I was like God. God of the Netflix queue."  

What a beautiful thought, especially for a movie-loving family like mine.  I've often wished I could wield an Rx pad to prescribe certain movies for loved ones.  There would be the break-up prescription, the new parent prescription, the flu-ridden prescription, the life roadblock one. Books could be used in the same way but the beauty of a movie is that it can be enjoyed, simultaneously, by several people and it engages so many senses: the imagery, the music, the emotions, the story.

Grandma Lorraine's last full movie was Penelope, the quirky and delightful movie about a girl with a pig's nose. (She knew her grandma loved movies about women transcending some kind of obstacle: "women rising up." She tried to stock the queue with ones that would fit that description.)  I think I would want a transcending kind of movie, too. I'd want to cry.  I'd want to marvel about life and relationships and triumphs.  I'd want to laugh.  I'd want to look across the room and exchange a glance with a loved one at the right moment, squeeze a hand and telegraph my delight and love.  

Short list: To Kill a Mockingbird. Pride and Prejudice. An Affair to Remember. Once. Out of Africa. It's a Wonderful Life. All seasons of Friday Night Lights. Cinema Paradiso. Room with a View. West Side Story. Hopefully something new that I hadn't seen that fits the bill.

What movie (or kind of movie) would you want to see if it were your last? Or show to others? 

Quarantine schemes

On the third day of sickness, the swine flu(?) gave to me...three coughing people, two fevers over 102, and a feeling that we'll never be free.  

(via my facebook status this morn. I was pretty proud of that; it only took me all morning to think of it:))

Okay, if I'm going to be sick and ill equipped to write my qualifying paper (fuzzy brain...oh well!) then I will try to use my quarantine time to plan and scheme about Thanksgiving and other November delights.  Greg's parents are coming out for the week surrounding Thanksgiving and we're so excited to host them (first time in about 6 years, I think).  The Thanksgiving dinner part is not too hard to plan; I do the same tried-and-true list every year plus I'll ask others to bring things to contribute to the feast (Greg's cousin's family and hopefully my sister are also coming).

But here's what gives me pause: what about the other days of their visit?  I'd like to move beyond our standard five (you know, mexican night, italian night, pizza night, breakfast for dinner night...) and yet I'd like to not be distracted by the meal prep the whole time.  What are your favorite houseguest meals to prepare (including lunches and breakfasts, too)?

. . .

Thankful for: a new book on my doorstop (Lacuna, Barbara Kingsolver's new one), a bathtub full of almost scalding water, extra time to scheme and daydream and cuddle on the sofa with the other sickies

Slivers of spring break (or: Moms need a spring break, too)

This week I have really needed to get some things done.  But the whiny eternal student in me complained "but it's my spring breaaaaaaak!"  So I caved a little and let the squeaky wheel get a little grease in the form of some tiny slivers of spring breakness.

On Monday I went back to bed after the kids left for school.  I figured that I needed it, with the time change and all.  And plus?  It's my spring break!  Afterwards, I got all responsible and checked items off my list. 

spring break sliver: 1 hour

Another day,  after a semi-productive morning on the computer, I watched Under the Greenwood Tree on dvd in the early afternoon before the kids came home. {Loved it.}  Plus.  I met Ellen for pizza--a twofer day!

spring break sliver: 1.5 hours + 3 hours

Yesterday I read for fun in the middle of the day, a wonderfully lovely Rosamund Pilcher novel.  In the bathtub.  I always think of my mom when I read in the bathtub, since most of her novels are water stained at the bottom few centimeters from their trips to the bath.  Any small way I can be a teeny bit more like my mom is a good thing.  I embraced it.

spring break sliver: 30 minutes

You get the idea.  Somehow I found ways to be a little indulgent because the calendar said it was my spring break.  Those six little hours (thus far) have made a huge difference in my outlook!  Maybe I should declare every week spring break from here on out.

* * * 

Which got me thinking.

The educational system figured out long ago that there was great value in taking a week off, midway through the semester, to clear the brain and recharge the dedication + motivation for learning.

I think the same reasoning (but more so) applies to moms, stay-at-home or not, with kids of any age.  What job is more demanding, 24/7? So why not take a break to clear your brain and recharge your dedication + motivation?

For most women I know, the biggest barrier to taking a break is simply giving yourself permission to do it.  So here I am, begging you & giving you permission----->

Take a spring break!!!

I'm not talking about ditching the family and going off to Acapulco to star in a Momz Gone Wild video.  I'm talking small slivers where you give yourself permission to treat yourself.  Pick a week (NOT your kids' spring break, when you are engineering their week of fun) and do it. Write it on your calendar.  

Plan some fun. 

Please.  

Small slivers of spring breakness. 

(Or big ones.)

Plus

If you leave your address here in the comments (or email it to me) telling me when you are taking your mom spring break, I will send you your choice: a spring break postcard from my little corner of the world or a spring break permission note to prove to your family that you are indeed on spring break.

picture via flickr

Never say never

I was afraid spring break around here was going to be a little bit of a downer (by the way, I would totally hire this company if I needed to move my piano--extra points for black humor) but it turned out to be a great week.
The gorgeous weather didn't hurt.
We did NYC last weekend,
went to Six Flags on Tuesday,
had a picnic and hang-out day on Wednesday,
the kids went to work with G on Thursday,
another free-form day on Friday,
and kayaking on the river on Saturday.
Bonus=I'm so glad I'm not driving back from Florida today.

However--word to the wise.
If you have a Nuvi navigation system, be sure you have it set to
"fastest route"
rather than "shortest route."
Otherwise, when you drive to NYC, you will be boggled
and confused about why you keep getting directed off
of the modern 21st century freeway
to travel the scenic byways of Connecticut and New York,
complete with stoplights every 100 feet or so.
Certainly check on the setting while this is happening,
rather than waiting until you arrive back home.
Just a suggestion.

Notice the oldest child cowering behind the others. Lauren has reached the age of weariness with her photographing mom. She's been heard to mutter "don't you think you should be experiencing this instead of taking pictures of it?" and "Not again!" Kids these days and their exasperating logical conclusions! What she doesn't realize is that I need proof of the great times we all had! These are my evidence exhibits in the court of we-never-went-anywhere-when-we-were-kids! Unfortunately, it will appear that I myself never went anywhere with them, since I am always behind the camera but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

Maddy's getting ready for a big violin recital next week. She continues to read books that are too sad and make her cry, although she feels that a book isn't truly great unless it does make her cry. This results in an almost daily cleansing cry and hugging fest. (Hint= if the character has a serious illness at the beginning, it's probably not going to end happily.) My favorite Maddyism this week was when we were winding through side streets in the Bronx (thanks confused Nuvi!). Noticing the brownstones and the porch stoops she said cheerfully "This reminds me of Sesame Street." [pause while drunk down-on-luck guy crosses in front of us and yells] "Except he's not so happy."

Sam is just glad he didn't have to spend more time in the car. He spent his free time this week making up impossible logic quizzes for me and G to stumble through. And grading them with big fat sorry scores. For some reason he started a balloon collection, blew them all up, and plans to sell them. I'm not sure who conducted his market research of the demand for blown-up balloons...but I'm pretty sure who's going to end up being his primary customer! Especially if it means clearing them from our house!

And, finally, in the never say never department
here's the newest addition to our household:

We finally wore down G and, after lots of conversations with breeders, etc.
we have (or will have when he can come home in a week or two) a puppy!
Four of us love him and one of us hopes he doesn't shed, bark, chew, poop, or stink.

Please help us
name this dog
If we choose your name suggestion (left in the comments),
I will send you a fabulous prize
having to do with a book shopping spree
and nothing to do with dogs.

(our naming guidelines: people names preferred...
nothing too cutesy...think manly with a hint of sensitive(?)...
uniqueness preferred...)