We've had a bit of a whirlwind weekend, a revolving door of comings and goings. And emotions.

G's parents arrived on Thursday for a quick visit.

Lauren arrived home at 6 Sunday morning, happy and exhausted. 

Maddy left last night to stay with a good friend for a day before camp.

Then, lots of packing and laundry and a flurry of departures this morning to airport, train station, girls' camp.

{Ready, break!}

Oh, and quietly at the center of all this revolving...G was sustained as bishop of our ward yesterday.

{Speechless}

Good thing I have long stretches of hours ahead of me to slow down, take a breath, and ponder things.

 Happy Monday!

I'm writing this from the hammock in our back yard--with wireless access!--and am feeling pretty decadent. Greg has fallen asleep on the bench on the patio, a book open and face down on his chest. Louie is keeping watch from under the bench. The kids are doing homework for tomorrow at the table inside the open door, the long weekend suddenly screeching to a halt as the realities of deadlines and assignments suddenly appear.  (School's not out until June 21st for us. Sigh.) We've made a pact to stay out here for as long as we can because once we go inside, the weekend's officially over.  Someone will want dinner or clean clothes or to talk about the 5872 things we have on the calendar this week as school slowly winds down with one recognition assembly/concert/game/event after another.

Yesterday afternoon, after church and naps, we decided on the spot to take a Sunday drive to Wingaersheek beach in Gloucester. We read out loud in the car up and back, flew a kite in the breeze and watched the sun set. I was so happy with our spontaneity.  And with the lovely, glowing light--the gloaming. Sometimes I look at these faces and am just smitten with motherlove.

And then sometimes, like today, we have silly + emotional showdowns in public at Subway over who owns a certain pair of earrings (+in the process the earrings end up on the floor and no one will pick them up) and the smitten-ness is tempered with a sprinkling of irritation and eye-rolling. It's a fickle pendulum, this mothering thing.  Just when you think you've got it right, you don't.

But still.  I'm dazzled. By who they are + are becoming, by my wide gaps in competence and my abundant weaknesses and occasional bursts of doing it alright, by the delicious aching laboratory these years are. Most of the time we are both kites and kiteflyers: we soar and swoop, rise and fall and we hold on to each other, hoping we all stay both aloft and anchored.  No wonder it's a tangle sometimes.

Just a little love letter to my grandparents' house (fondly known as 135):

Taken from flip video I took last weekend on a whim, shaky camera work and all. It's part of my personal geography, that house.  I love everything about it and the people therein.

Music: To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra

Something in me, something knotted tight and anxious, unwound this weekend. Just like that.  What felt like a twisted tight spring now feels free and easy like ribbons.  I don't know what it was but it's gone. Good riddance, I say.

Was it being with my people? Was it spending leisurely, languishing, laughing hours with my mom, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins?

Was it thinking about my particular path and sharing it publicly in a setting where all the different, diverse paths were honored + not dichotomized?

Was it listening to the symphony play Mahler's 5th Symphony (my cousin playing the bass in the orchestra)? Or sitting next to my 90-year-old grandfather while he tenderly wiped his eyes?

Was it reading East of Eden? I finished it last night on the plane and sat cradling it to my chest for many minutes, thinking over its mastery (oh, the envy) and Steinbeck's celebration of "that glittering instrument, the human soul."

Was it sitting across from friends, both newly made and long held, sharing stories and souls?

Was it hours of thinking time staring out the airplane window with the perspective you only get from 30,000 miles in the air (and no, no one asked to sit on my lap)?

Yes, yes, and yes.  Whatever it was, I'm grateful.

And it was coming home, too, where part of my heart was waiting for me:

Video found via GwenBell

Sappy but true

Update on 03.3.2010 by Anne

Sorry for the technical difficulties today!  I know there was a weird login screen that popped up for a while there but it's fixed now.  Or so I hope.  It's not you, it's me and my technological ineptness. (Thanks again, Anna, for letting me know!)

p.s. I meant 30,000 feet not miles.  I'm not an astronaut, in case you were wondering.

Taking a cue from Tara, I'm going to try to do a monthly round-up of what's going around in our house, complete with a family photo (except January, when it appears I didn't get the camera out at all so I'm borrowing a photo of the MFA instead) 

[edited to add: January is a month to convince yourself into enjoying things, don't you think?  So if this recap seems on the rosy side to you, you're right.  Be assured that there are many dismal and frustrating things I'm leaving out in order to spruce up the month a bit (or read some of them in my comment below).]

One highlight this month was attending the John and Abigail Adams Benefit Ball at the Museum of Fine Arts with G this past weekend. It was refreshing to get all fancied up and enjoy the art + music + food + people watching. It felt very Mrs. Basil E Frankweiler-ish to be drifting around the galleries after hours by ourselves.  I should have taken pictures (and didn't) but I did find a dress I loved (hence the mall trip in Sam's postcard below) and G looked very dashing.  I'm even getting better at cocktail party small talk and being brave about introducing myself to complete strangers.

In other news, I handed in my first qualifying paper, hosted the Young Women's New Beginnings last night, and am deliberating about my hair (again) and exercise regime (still) and house projects.

Lauren just finished midyears, a week-long exam week in her high school where they hold 3-hour exams in place of classes for a week, college style. Makes me glad I did high school the easier way, not the quasi-college way.

Also, she's taking an SAT prep class on Saturdays and is still fencing her heart out.  We hardly ever see her, really.

Lauren and I played a flute duet for stake conference + it was a pleasure to play together like that (I was so proud of her).  She has a robust social life and, recently, there's a certain favorite boy (and that's where the blogging boundaries end, I believe). 

Maddy keeps growing taller and taller, which has made her legs and ankles ache regularly.  

In typical Maddy style, she dives into many after school activities with gusto--model UN, student leaders, yearbook, helping a friend with stage design for the musical. She's transitioned to staying behind her closed bedroom door more often, texting, and littering her floor with clothes--full blown teenager but without much attitude (knock on wood).

I love that she wears an Audrey Hepburn pendant every day.

Sam went on a klondike derby campout with G (6 measly degrees! Brrr) and they were both great sports.  

Sam goes through wide piano swings, on one end of the spectrum flopping around and avoiding practicing and on the other end practicing up a storm and composing like crazy.  Guess when he likes his lessons more??  Yeah, it's a tough lesson to learn...over and over.  

He also plays basketball and still says "I love you" out loud when I drop him off at school in the mornings. It makes my morning and I consider each one a gift since I don't know how much longer it will last.

G had a great birthday this month--it's so nice to have something to celebrate in January. We surprised him by planning and booking a boys' ski trip to Utah this weekend for him and 7 high school friends who will be flying in from all over the country.  

G's also been coaching Maddy's basketball team, getting involved in some non-profits in Boston,  and working hard at his day job.

Also memorable: Blueberry pie for G's birthday from PetsiPies. The smell of snow in the morning. The taste of sixth grade spaghetti and the smell of sixth graders dancing. A few good fires in the fireplace. Watching the stars with Sam for his science project. Snow tubing at Nashoba. Mike's Pastries + italian food with Christin in the North End.